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You can’t confidently share full-body pictures on dating apps. It comes from all directions, not just online or through apps. It’s an open invitation for comments that instantly remind you why you hate taking full-body shots in the first place. The idea that a fat woman puts herself out there triggers a section of the population. I have no proof in saying that fat girls get ghosted more often, but back when I still forced myself to date dudes, it happened to the women in my circle and me. If I try to talk to you about fatphobia, about discrimination, about the challenges I face as a fat woman in the world, please don't try to comfort me by telling me people don't mean it, that maybe I'm misreading the situation, the the world isn't out to get me.Whether or not fat hatred is malicious, it's still harmful.As a non-single, fat, polyamorous woman, I can't tell you how often I've been questioned about my confidence, self-worth, who I am, and why I'm into what I'm into.If literally the only reason you are interested in me is because I'm fat, you might want to take a step back and get to know a bit about me first. When you tell me I'm not, what you are really saying is that despite my body size, I'm not all those horrible things you tend to associate with fatness.Are you trying to prove to me that I'm "not that heavy"? I enjoy sex, I love meeting new people, and I think there is an incredible power in making intimate connections.Or are you trying to prove to yourself how much of a manly man you are? I also enjoy boundaries and people who know what affirmative consent looks like.
As a fuller figured woman, it’s like you have to do everything better than smaller women. Regardless of your size, if you’ve ever been on a dating site or an app, or if you’ve ever turned down a dude in person, you know this scenario has the potential to get hideously ugly. “I didn’t want you anyway.” “Screw you, you fat bitch, you should be grateful I’m even talking to you.” “I wouldn’t be seen with a fat chick.” You’re treated like a person until the end of the date. I love Netflix and whatever as much as the next girl, sure -- but I also love art galleries and movie theaters and poetry readings!And yes, I even enjoy going out for a good meal if you can manage not to make a big deal out of it.Transit -- from buses and taxis all the way to airplanes -- can lead to downright hostile environments.I'm not likely to fit on most of the rides at the amusement park and the thought of eating a meal sitting in a rickety plastic chair puts me on high alert.